When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
