Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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