Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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