Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm both gender and math confused
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
