Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
