Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
