i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
