my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
