I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Drunk is not a location!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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