We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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