remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
