My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
as a side note pls kill me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
