wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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