so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
