Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
