I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
