I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
