I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
