I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
