Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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