I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
