i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
