Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
