I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
