guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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