So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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