be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
