Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize