And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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