I heard we made out
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
