I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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