im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
