Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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