im about as happy as oj after his trial
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
