I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
