Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
