Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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