He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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