you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
