just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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