I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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