I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
