She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
