The maid of honor just puked.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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