8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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