what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
