I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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