Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
