Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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