what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
