No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
