and you said cock pushups were impossible
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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