Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
