You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
