I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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