There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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