i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
