if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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