I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize