they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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