how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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