all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE LEGS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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