I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
