I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
