Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
